Take Your Inbox From Hellmouth to Sober Sanctuary
You know that one closet where you shove your old camping gear, photo albums, and sweaters you haven’t worn in twelve years? All the stuff you don’t know what to do with?
And every time you open the door to that closet, you’re sure TODAY IS THE DAY that the whole Jenga tower of unloved crap is going to come crashing down on you?
That’s what opening my email used to be like.
Email Fail
For years, my email habits were like all my other administrative habits; I did the least amount of work I could do to remain barely functional.
My Gmail was constantly out of storage. Paperless bills languished, unopened and unread. Messages from freelancing clients went missing in the sea of emails from brands that had extracted my data in exchange for 10% off my first purchase. There was no folder structure, no tagging system, no way to distinguish between emails I actually wanted versus messages from Nordstrom Rack and Glossier that managed to slip past the spam filter.
When I was drinking, I didn’t give a shit. My life was so chaotic when it came to adulting; email hygiene was at the very bottom of my list of worries.
But after I got sober, opening my inbox started to give me real anxiety.
Finding My Inbox Groove
As I slowly started getting my shit together – going through my boxes of unopened mail, paying my delinquent credit cards, and figuring out when I last went to the dentist – it dawned on me that the festering mess in my Gmail needed attention, too.
I thought it would be agonizing, but it wasn’t! Because once I got rolling, whipping that inbox into shape scratched an itch I didn’t even know I had.
I felt elated. Powerful. I was QUEEN OF MY EMAIL CASTLE!
Looking back, I realize that taking control of the Gmail Hellmouth not only felt euphoric but it also had numerous benefits for my recovery.
Here are three things I noticed and why I highly recommend getting ruthless with your inbox.
Decluttering anywhere – your bedroom, your calendar, your closet, and your messages – will reduce your stress and help you waste less time. Searching through the crap for things you want and need is incredibly demoralizing, and that creates a vicious cycle. You feel bad about being disorganized, so you avoid the disorganization because it makes you feel bad. And round and around we go. (I wrote about this in Chapter 13 of Big Sober Energy, “What’s in the Box?”)
TLDR: The more order, ease, and tranquility you can bring to any area of your life, the better for your recovery. Email is no exception.
Email marketing relies on your brain’s desire for a dopamine hit. The last thing you need is to replace your drinking habit with an online shopping habit! Plus, I don’t know about you, but 90% of the shit I buy off of Instagram (the source of most of the marketing emails I receive) ends up being a massive disappointment. Trust me, that “viral mascara that sold out three times”? isn’t any better than Maybelline Full & Soft, and it sure as hell isn’t worth sacrificing your time and brain cells every day for the next six months when their spam pops up in your inbox.
TLDR: Hit UNSUBSCRIBE, and remove as many temptations and time-sucking messages as you can.
Designating a special inbox as a recovery sanctuary is a GOOD USE OF EMAIL. Subscribe to blogs that inspire you. Send yourself articles about recovery or sober people you admire. Reach out to old friends or strike up a new correspondence. Write and schedule emails to yourself to offer messages of encouragement, forgiveness, or congratulations. But you have to be strict for this to work. Your inbox can only be a sanctuary if it is not full of junk!
TLDR: A fiercely guarded email account can be a safe space for connecting with friends and saving recovery resources and
You, Too, Can Be an Email Queen!
You don’t have to become a sicko like me who loves organizing emails and telling everyone about it. Even just setting up some folders and committing to archive old messages is a step in the right direction.
And if taking on the Jenga closet of email still makes you want to cry, don’t despair. There are tons of apps that will filter your inbox and unsubscribe you from mailing lists en masse (Unroll.Me is one I like and use). You can also hire people from Upwork who are experts in email organizing, and there are even AI tools that will do the painful chore of deleting years of old messages for you.
You’ve got this! Now go out there and delete, block, and unsubscribe!