Three Tips for Surviving a Sober Thanksgiving

It’s Thanksgiving in the U.S. Like many in my circle, I use this holiday to connect with my community, focus on gratitude, and challenge the Pilgrims-and-Indians mythology designed to whitewash our country’s genocidal origins.

That’s plenty to process on its own, but if you’re also staying sober and hoping to avoid arguments or political meltdowns, here are three tips to protect your energy from any jiggery-pokery your family may send your way:

1. Decide what YOU want from the holiday.

Not what your mom, partner, or kids want—what you want.

Ask yourself: How do I want to feel? Let that guide your energy boundaries.

If the vibe goes off track, figure out what went wrong and enforce your boundaries. Direct communication is great, but when that doesn’t work, create space. Develop a sudden headache, take a guest-room nap, or “run to the store” for some fresh air.

Denying access to your energy is the ultimate boundary!

2. Refuse the politics trap.

You’re under no obligation to debate politics at dinner. Full stop.

Holiday table debates rarely change minds. Relatives with opposing views are probably trolling, and those who agree are often just looking to rant.

My go-to move? If someone baits me with a wild statement, I meet their gaze and say, “Huh.”

Not, “Huh?”—just “Huh.”

It’s disarming, forces them to decide if they’ll push (and look like a jerk), and lets me stay unbothered.

(Shoutout to CH for this genius tip!)

3. Integrate the holiday experience.

Want to improve future holidays? Start by processing this one.

If it was great, note what worked and share your gratitude with those you celebrated with.

If it wasn’t, don’t let it fester. Journal, write an unsent letter, debrief with a friend, or visualize the holiday you wish you’d had. This helps you reframe and move forward.

Whatever happens tomorrow, or however you spend tomorrow, I’m grateful to have you in this community. Here’s to a drama-free day!